| This Raymond Carver poem entitled "Happiness" | | | | plates, and the comfort of familiar voices and |
| was the opening to my women's writing group | | | | laughter. |
| this past week: | | | | We do not live in a culture that readily |
| So early it's still almost dark out. | | | | acknowledges the urgent value of the present |
| I'm near the window with coffee,and the usual | | | | moment. We tend to be obsessed with the past |
| early morning stuffthat passes for thought. | | | | or to fixate on the future -- both realms over |
| When I see the boy and his friendwalking up the | | | | which we have no control. And of course, it isn't |
| roadto deliver the newspaper. | | | | the things themselves -- in the past or future -- |
| They wear caps and sweaters,and one boy has a | | | | but our addiction to trying to control or change |
| bag over his shoulder. | | | | them that cause the suffering. |
| The are so happythey aren't saying anything, | | | | The 13th-century Sufi poet Rumi had this to say |
| these boys. | | | | about recognizing the sacredness of each |
| I think if they could, they would takeeach other's | | | | moment by letting go of what we cannot control |
| arm. | | | | and embracing what we can: |
| It's early in the morning,and they are doing this | | | | Keep walking, though there's no place to get to. |
| thing together. | | | | Don't try to see through the distances. |
| They come on, slowly. | | | | That's not for human beings. |
| The sky is taking on light,though the moon still | | | | Move within, but don't move the way fear makes |
| hangs pale over the water. | | | | you move. |
| Such beauty that for a minutedeath and ambition, | | | | Today, like every other day, we wake up empty |
| even love,doesn't enter into this. | | | | & frightened. |
| Happiness. It comes onunexpectedly. And goes | | | | Don't open the door to the study and begin |
| beyond, really,any early morning talk about it. | | | | reading. |
| It is not a complicated poem -- the moment it | | | | Take down a musical instrument. |
| describes is quite ordinary, really -- but this poem | | | | Let the beauty we love be what we do. |
| generated about an hour of conversation. What is | | | | There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss |
| happiness? When do we feel the most happy? | | | | the ground. |
| Why do we struggle to find, recognize and keep | | | | It's interesting, isn't it, that we often attach an |
| those moments? What are some things we can | | | | idea of happiness to a quantity of things that |
| do to maximize our opportunities for true | | | | could or might happen -- I would be more happy |
| happiness? | | | | if... -- but the moments that we recognize as |
| As you might suspect, these are universal | | | | actually making us happy are pedestrian and |
| questions that extend far beyond one poem, or | | | | predictable. The sun sets every night. Cats sleep |
| one class. For many of us, these questions | | | | on couches every day. We eat a meal every day. |
| emerge in one form or another almost daily. I | | | | But we never say stuff like, "I would be truly |
| heard from some of you last week, and two | | | | happy if the sun would set tonight." |
| things really struck me about your thoughts on | | | | If we did that, then, really, what excuse would |
| being present: 1.) Every person associated real | | | | we have left for not being content, for not being |
| happiness with very simple things, and 2.) those | | | | madly in love with the hours given to us? |
| flashes of pure joy, pure calm, pure bliss all came | | | | So perhaps what we are missing in our quest for |
| from paying attention to and naming the small | | | | happiness is just the willingness to stop and call |
| details in those simple moments. | | | | out the names of the ordinary things that are |
| Those precious experiences included a list of | | | | filling us with true joy. The study of our brain's |
| things that would make lovely poems in and of | | | | chemistry tells us that when we do this, we are |
| themselves: a morning cup of coffee; a bowl of | | | | simultaneously releasing a whole raft of chemicals |
| chocolate ice cream; listening to a cat purr while | | | | that help us to ward off things like depression and |
| curled up contentedly on the couch; going for a | | | | anxiety and we are training our brains to think |
| walk in the evening and watching the sun descend | | | | that way again and again by growing new |
| slowly; a mother noticing the warm smell of the | | | | connections that reinforce the activities that bring |
| top of her baby's head; and catching the second | | | | us pleasure and contentment. Our lives tell us that |
| when friends are seated around the dinner table | | | | it isn't even the moments themselves but our |
| and noticing three things -- the candlelight flickering | | | | attention to them that really opens us to the |
| on people's faces, the sound of utensils clinking on | | | | experience of happiness. |