| I had left the babysitter, knowing my mother | | | | tight, sometimes too tight, she'd have to say, |
| would be at 4:15 p.m., hiking up Mount airy Hill, | | | | "You're squeezing my hand again," and I'd stop, let |
| from the Valley playgrounds, near Jackson Street, | | | | go a tinge, but not much. And she'd hold my hand |
| she did every weekday after work, Monday | | | | firmly but softly, and I'd put the stem in my |
| through Friday (she worked at the stockyards in | | | | mouth, like her: like to like. |
| the slice bacon department, at Swifts Meats, in | | | | "Mom?" I'd say. |
| South Saint Paul), she'd catch the bus from South | | | | "Yes." |
| St. Paul, to St. Paul, get off at the corner of | | | | "You're home!" |
| Jackson and Mount airy, and then up one hill she'd | | | | "Not quite yet." |
| hike, a turn to the left, and up the second hill. We | | | | "Missed yaw!" I'd say, searching for something to |
| had been living all together, my brother, two | | | | talk about, not really caring to talk at all to be |
| years older than I, eight now, my mother and my | | | | honest, something more practical would do, but |
| grandfather. Mike, my brother and I, had been | | | | that is what always came out: I was happy as a |
| taken off that foster-farm for good: I never | | | | butterfly with new wings, almost prancing up the |
| wanted to go back there again, I never wanted | | | | hill now. As if I wanted the world see me and my |
| to see it ever, so I had to make sure she was | | | | mother, proud so very proud. |
| really coming. Therefore I left our sixteen-year old | | | | "Where's your brother?" she asked. |
| babysitter, Evelyn, and ran up the block to meet | | | | "With the babysitter, he thinks she's cute; she's |
| her; I did this quite often, that first summer after | | | | really nice, and plays with us, maybe you can give |
| we left the farm, back in '53. | | | | her a tip on payday!" |
| She'd be trekking up that hill, a little tired, a little | | | | "Oh does he now... (she hesitates, and smiles, then |
| worn, if not with a cigarette between her fingers, | | | | continues and says :) she is kind of cute I |
| or between her lips, a twig, or piece of grass | | | | suppose." |
| would be there. Her purse would be on her right | | | | We continued to walk up the hill together her right |
| shoulder, she had long straps, and big purses, kept | | | | hand in my left hand, both with our pieces of |
| everything under the sun in them. I once went | | | | stems in our mouths. The sun going down over |
| with her purse shopping at the Emporium, one of | | | | the edge of the city, but it's still bright out, just a |
| the three biggest stores in St. Paul back then, and | | | | little on the faded side, slightly faded side of the |
| she bought the best and biggest purse she could | | | | day, so it got at this time, near the Mississippi. I |
| find and carry, it had to be leather, good leather. | | | | guess I followed her like a puppy. I felt safe in her |
| Other than that, she was frugal. Once I'd see her | | | | hands, that summer, with those sharp warm |
| I'd pick up a twig or piece of grass run down the | | | | evenings starting to settle in, in those midsummer |
| hill to meet her coming up the hill, and we'd meet | | | | days in Minnesota. I felt quite sure, she'd never |
| somewhere in the middle. I'd grab her hand, hold it | | | | die. |