| The EmotionsDivorce is a scary, lonely and | | | | difficult aspects of the legal process often cause |
| misunderstood process for most people, | | | | frustration and result in increased anger and hurt. |
| particularly when there are children involved. The | | | | In combination with the plethora of negative |
| mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may | | | | emotions which led to the divorce in the first |
| not be of help because those individuals may not | | | | place, one facing a divorce may turn to revenge |
| want to "pick a side." A divorce will introduce you | | | | as a primary motivation and extend the divorce |
| to an entirely new balancing act.The Effect on | | | | proceeding to hurt the other spouse. On the other |
| Productivity at WorkYou must be conscious of | | | | hand, a spouse may prolong the divorce process |
| how the divorce process affects your ability to | | | | in the hope that reconciliation might occur.The |
| function on your job. There may be occasions | | | | SolutionsMediation may be the best answer. If |
| when you will feel overwhelmed by a typical day's | | | | you and your spouse can still communicate and |
| workload. On such occasions, you may wish to | | | | have some common ground, mediation may be |
| apportion work in terms of what you can | | | | the most economical, efficient, and effective way |
| handle.You may at times find yourself | | | | to resolve the issues in the divorce. The mediator |
| uncharacteristically testy and acerbic to friends | | | | must be well trained and be competent in the |
| and colleagues, uncommunicative, depressed, and | | | | area of family law. You should consult with an |
| distracted. You should try to be alert to these | | | | attorney before and after the mediation to be |
| personality and mood changes and work with a | | | | properly advised on negotiation of the issues and |
| counselor to solve them. At times this may | | | | on whether the final result is a comprehensive |
| involve temporarily modifying project | | | | solution.You may need guidance in selecting an |
| responsibilities or adjusting assignments until you | | | | attorney. Your union, company corporate |
| achieve a level of equanimity. On still other days, | | | | attorney or human resource department may be |
| you may not be able to cope with the workplace | | | | a source of names. The attorney should be |
| or home environment at all, no matter how light | | | | practicing primarily, if not exclusively, in the area |
| the workload. When this happens, it may be | | | | of family law (the area has become too |
| prudent to request a brief personal leave. If your | | | | complicated to be effectively handled by the |
| behavior and interaction cannot be altered through | | | | generalist). The attorney should have the most |
| temporary changes, you may need to seek | | | | current research software and resources available |
| professional counseling during this stressful | | | | within the office (Lexis and FinPlan Divorce Planner |
| period.Keep in mind that while going through a | | | | are good examples). Competence, comfort and |
| divorce you will face numerous demands on your | | | | convenience are three primary considerations in |
| time: meetings with an attorney, accountant and | | | | selecting the attorney. Evaluate whether the |
| counselor, possibly locating a new residence (and | | | | attorney has a plan which will properly allocate |
| furnishing it) and establishing new lines of credit. | | | | resources to achieve realistic and wise goals.You |
| Plan ahead where possible for these contingencies | | | | should be cognizant of the importance of limiting |
| by asking your employer for projects that do not | | | | conversation with the attorney to the nuts and |
| have a tight deadline. Flexible working | | | | bolts and not try to convince the lawyer that the |
| arrangements, such as job-sharing, or the | | | | soon to be ex-spouse is a less than admirable |
| opportunity to compensate for lost time by | | | | human being; that's for a counselor. It will also |
| working in the evening or on weekends, are other | | | | save time and resources for an already stretched |
| possibilities.You should not let others treat you as | | | | budget. Also, one should not fear asking another |
| an emotional cripple. You are probably already | | | | attorney for a second opinion at any point in the |
| experiencing feelings of helplessness and an | | | | process. It is no more improper than having a |
| inability to control your life. By being | | | | doctor provide a second opinion on a serious |
| overprotective and shielding you from the daily | | | | medical condition.The divorce process is time |
| realities of the workplace or running interference | | | | consuming in even the simplest cases and will |
| with fellow employees or clients, the employer | | | | make demands upon your schedule. Because the |
| may only exacerbate those feelings. Work may | | | | courts and your attorney are probably working |
| be the only place you can achieve a sense of | | | | the same schedule as you are, it is probable that |
| self-worth and personal strength during this | | | | some absences and interruptions of work will be |
| difficult period.The ProcessSome people winding | | | | unavoidable. Court dates, especially, are not |
| their way through the divorce process may | | | | optional. Advise your employer immediately of |
| experience fatalistic or, conversely, unreasonably | | | | any court dates, as those occasions may require |
| hopeful feelings, and may rely on divorce process | | | | an absence from work for at least one half day. |
| myths that further complicate the situation (for | | | | When you provide documentation regarding |
| example, a belief that the system is entirely | | | | income or other employment information, keep in |
| gender biased). Unfortunately, the legal process is | | | | mind that the courts have strict guidelines and |
| not designed to address emotional issues for the | | | | time limits. Promptly providing the necessary |
| participants. Although there are milestones, such | | | | information is essential.Lastly, as an attorney, I |
| as filing the initial documents, there are no true | | | | remind my clients that the legal process of |
| emotional releases. Even the finalizing of a divorce | | | | divorce is basically to divide assets, arrange |
| is a bittersweet experience and is likely to feel like | | | | custody, establish support, and address insurance |
| a letdown. No one truly wins in a divorce because | | | | and debts among other issues. It is not the last |
| the estate is always divided and both individuals | | | | argument or the final revenge. While the attorney |
| have fewer assets than prior to the divorce. | | | | can assist a person going through the divorce |
| Unfortunately, the legal process is often one of | | | | process on the legal matters, emotional help is |
| attrition. The time and expense of the legal | | | | more appropriately available from close friends or |
| process often dictates the results as one of the | | | | professional counselors.Please contact me if I can |
| parties can no longer afford the resources or the | | | | ever be of assistance in answering a question |
| time to continue to dispute issues.The many | | | | about legal representation in the divorce process. |