| The EmotionsDivorce is a scary, lonely and | | | | difficult aspects of the legal process often |
| misunderstood process for most people, | | | | cause frustration and result in increased |
| particularly when there are children | | | | anger and hurt. In combination with the |
| involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during | | | | plethora of negative emotions which led to |
| the marriage may not be of help because those | | | | the divorce in the first place, one facing a |
| individuals may not want to "pick a side." A | | | | divorce may turn to revenge as a primary |
| divorce will introduce you to an entirely new | | | | motivation and extend the divorce proceeding |
| balancing act.The Effect on Productivity at | | | | to hurt the other spouse. On the other hand, |
| WorkYou must be conscious of how the divorce | | | | a spouse may prolong the divorce process in |
| process affects your ability to function on | | | | the hope that reconciliation might occur.The |
| your job. There may be occasions when you | | | | SolutionsMediation may be the best answer. If |
| will feel overwhelmed by a typical day's | | | | you and your spouse can still communicate and |
| workload. On such occasions, you may wish to | | | | have some common ground, mediation may be the |
| apportion work in terms of what you can | | | | most economical, efficient, and effective way |
| handle.You may at times find yourself | | | | to resolve the issues in the divorce. The |
| uncharacteristically testy and acerbic to | | | | mediator must be well trained and be |
| friends and colleagues, uncommunicative, | | | | competent in the area of family law. You |
| depressed, and distracted. You should try to | | | | should consult with an attorney before and |
| be alert to these personality and mood | | | | after the mediation to be properly advised on |
| changes and work with a counselor to solve | | | | negotiation of the issues and on whether the |
| them. At times this may involve temporarily | | | | final result is a comprehensive solution.You |
| modifying project responsibilities or | | | | may need guidance in selecting an attorney. |
| adjusting assignments until you achieve a | | | | Your union, company corporate attorney or |
| level of equanimity. On still other days, you | | | | human resource department may be a source of |
| may not be able to cope with the workplace or | | | | names. The attorney should be practicing |
| home environment at all, no matter how light | | | | primarily, if not exclusively, in the area of |
| the workload. When this happens, it may be | | | | family law (the area has become too |
| prudent to request a brief personal leave. If | | | | complicated to be effectively handled by the |
| your behavior and interaction cannot be | | | | generalist). The attorney should have the |
| altered through temporary changes, you may | | | | most current research software and resources |
| need to seek professional counseling during | | | | available within the office (Lexis and |
| this stressful period.Keep in mind that while | | | | FinPlan Divorce Planner are good examples). |
| going through a divorce you will face | | | | Competence, comfort and convenience are three |
| numerous demands on your time: meetings with | | | | primary considerations in selecting the |
| an attorney, accountant and counselor, | | | | attorney. Evaluate whether the attorney has a |
| possibly locating a new residence (and | | | | plan which will properly allocate resources |
| furnishing it) and establishing new lines of | | | | to achieve realistic and wise goals.You |
| credit. Plan ahead where possible for these | | | | should be cognizant of the importance of |
| contingencies by asking your employer for | | | | limiting conversation with the attorney to |
| projects that do not have a tight deadline. | | | | the nuts and bolts and not try to convince |
| Flexible working arrangements, such as | | | | the lawyer that the soon to be ex-spouse is a |
| job-sharing, or the opportunity to compensate | | | | less than admirable human being; that's for a |
| for lost time by working in the evening or on | | | | counselor. It will also save time and |
| weekends, are other possibilities.You should | | | | resources for an already stretched budget. |
| not let others treat you as an emotional | | | | Also, one should not fear asking another |
| cripple. You are probably already | | | | attorney for a second opinion at any point in |
| experiencing feelings of helplessness and an | | | | the process. It is no more improper than |
| inability to control your life. By being | | | | having a doctor provide a second opinion on a |
| overprotective and shielding you from the | | | | serious medical condition.The divorce process |
| daily realities of the workplace or running | | | | is time consuming in even the simplest cases |
| interference with fellow employees or | | | | and will make demands upon your schedule. |
| clients, the employer may only exacerbate | | | | Because the courts and your attorney are |
| those feelings. Work may be the only place | | | | probably working the same schedule as you |
| you can achieve a sense of self-worth and | | | | are, it is probable that some absences and |
| personal strength during this difficult | | | | interruptions of work will be unavoidable. |
| period.The ProcessSome people winding their | | | | Court dates, especially, are not optional. |
| way through the divorce process may | | | | Advise your employer immediately of any court |
| experience fatalistic or, conversely, | | | | dates, as those occasions may require an |
| unreasonably hopeful feelings, and may rely | | | | absence from work for at least one half day. |
| on divorce process myths that further | | | | When you provide documentation regarding |
| complicate the situation (for example, a | | | | income or other employment information, keep |
| belief that the system is entirely gender | | | | in mind that the courts have strict |
| biased). Unfortunately, the legal process is | | | | guidelines and time limits. Promptly |
| not designed to address emotional issues for | | | | providing the necessary information is |
| the participants. Although there are | | | | essential.Lastly, as an attorney, I remind my |
| milestones, such as filing the initial | | | | clients that the legal process of divorce is |
| documents, there are no true emotional | | | | basically to divide assets, arrange custody, |
| releases. Even the finalizing of a divorce is | | | | establish support, and address insurance and |
| a bittersweet experience and is likely to | | | | debts among other issues. It is not the last |
| feel like a letdown. No one truly wins in a | | | | argument or the final revenge. While the |
| divorce because the estate is always divided | | | | attorney can assist a person going through |
| and both individuals have fewer assets than | | | | the divorce process on the legal matters, |
| prior to the divorce. Unfortunately, the | | | | emotional help is more appropriately |
| legal process is often one of attrition. The | | | | available from close friends or professional |
| time and expense of the legal process often | | | | counselors.Please contact me if I can ever be |
| dictates the results as one of the parties | | | | of assistance in answering a question about |
| can no longer afford the resources or the | | | | legal representation in the divorce process. |
| time to continue to dispute issues.The many | | | | |