| There seems to be an endless stream of idiotic | | | | Murdering ex-lovers doesn't happen very often |
| things professional athletes do. I guess if you put | | | | fortunately, but my list wouldn't be complete |
| a bunch of young men together, give them a | | | | without at least mentioning O.J. |
| boat-load of money and lots of free time, what | | | | 7. Rabbits |
| can you expect? When beautiful women, the | | | | It seems that there are a lot of NBA players out |
| media and the luxuries of life are thrown at them, | | | | there who use the phrase, "My baby's mom" a |
| their cockiness and stupidity are only amplified. | | | | little too often. And there's too many pro athletes' |
| Here are my top ten, but of course there are | | | | offspring introducing their buddies as "My brother |
| lots more. However, we must always remember, | | | | from another mother." Ever hear of a condom? |
| they are only human too. | | | | 8. How Much Bling Bling Do You Need!? |
| 1. Me Make Good Play! | | | | It's fascinating to watch professional athletes blow |
| Ever see NFL players beat their chest like a gorilla | | | | through all their millions in their first year or two |
| after they just made a good play? I guess it's a | | | | and then have nothing left at retirement, which is |
| Tarzan thing or something, but they look kinda | | | | usually only a few years later. How many |
| ridiculous. Maybe if I was out there on the field | | | | fifty-year-olds are still playing pro sports? Not |
| and I was a 170-pound kicker watching a | | | | many (minus golfers of course, who will drag their |
| defensive lineman beating his chest after a sack, I | | | | canes and oxygen tanks with them on the |
| may be a little intimidated, but overall, they look | | | | fairway). So why don't pro athletes save a couple |
| really silly doing it. (I attended a professional | | | | of bucks? |
| all-women's football game this year and saw a | | | | 9. Love My Hog |
| 350-pound woman do this, which was particularly | | | | It's not too smart to get injured off the job when |
| scary.) | | | | you're a pro athlete. Cleveland Browns Kellen |
| 2. The God Factor, Part I | | | | Winslow Jr. crashed his motorcycle recently and |
| I hate it when players point up to Heaven and | | | | will now miss the 2005 NFL season. Jay Williams, a |
| thank God after a good play too. Bear in mind | | | | number one draft pick of the Chicago Bulls, also |
| however, that I am not criticizing religion or | | | | got into a motorcycle accident and has not played |
| anyone for having faith in God. But this just looks | | | | since. What's with motorcycles anyhow? Talk |
| lame. It happens a lot in MLB for some reason. A | | | | about killing the goose that lays the golden eggs. |
| strikeout will cause Pedro Martinez to do the | | | | 10. "When You Come To a Fork in the Road, |
| chest-touch and double-index-finger-point to God | | | | Take It" - Yogi Berra |
| as if he and God were chatting earlier about | | | | Saying really dumb things in the media seems to |
| possible pitching strategies in the locker room, and | | | | be a particularly easy thing to do if you're a |
| the strategy they chose together worked, so he | | | | professional athlete. I looked in a lot of places |
| had to personally thank God using his direct line. | | | | online to come up with a good list here. My |
| 3. The God Factor, Part II | | | | problem was that there were so many good |
| Locker rooms, sidelines, dugouts, bullpens, and | | | | ones, I wasn't sure which ones to pick. But here |
| court sides are often full of praying men. One | | | | are a few gems:a. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a |
| question: "If you are praying to win, and your | | | | lot to my parents, especially my mother and |
| opponent is praying to win, who does God | | | | father."b. Baseball player Tito Fuentes, after |
| choose? | | | | getting hit by a pitch: "They shouldn't throw at |
| 4. Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do When | | | | me. I'm the father of five or six kids."c. Football |
| They Come For You? | | | | coach Ray Malavasi: "I don't care what the tape |
| Why do pro jocks get arrested for drug and/or | | | | says. I didn't say it."d. Baseball player Dizzy Dean, |
| gun possession so much? Of course, lots of | | | | after a 1-0 game: "The game was closer than the |
| people do this one unfortunately, we just happen | | | | score indicated."e. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there |
| to hear about the famous athletes who do. C'mon | | | | have been injuries, and even some deaths in |
| guys, keep the drugs at home, stop driving while | | | | boxing, but none of them really that serious."f. |
| high, and for crying out loud, stop packin'! You | | | | Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. |
| don't need a gun. Who's going to harm you? | | | | It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."g. Bill |
| You're six six and weigh 275 pounds! | | | | Cowher, Pittsburgh Steelers coach: "We're not |
| 5. It Wasn't Me! | | | | attempting to circumcise rules."h. Jim Wohford: |
| Telling Congress you don't do steroids, then | | | | "Ninety percent of the game is half mental."i. Joe |
| getting caught doing steroids is pretty dumb. I | | | | Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a |
| loved watching the clips where Rafael Palmero sat | | | | genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."j. |
| pointing a finger at the Congressional hearing | | | | Charles Shackleford of the NCSU basketball team: |
| stating with disgust and confidence, "I do not take | | | | "Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm |
| steroids." And then the next clip showing him | | | | amphibious."k. Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of |
| apologizing profusely for taking steroids. | | | | championships: "I've won at every level, except |
| 6. I Love You To Death | | | | college and pro. |